Hanging Bed description (EDITED)

Hanging Bed description by Samantha

WALT: Show not tell

(EDITED)
After:

As I wake up to the misty sky and the cold air high up in the trees.As my haning bed hangs by 2 very unstable ropes very. As I lay on my duvet that my grandma made including the pillows. I lay on my bed writing in my diary I see something in the distance as I stand up to see what it was as I stand up the cold breeze blows on my face I could sense that something was wrong as I lay down about to drift off to sleep then BANG IT HAPPENS........... (TO BE CONTINUED)

Before:

As I wake up to the misty sky and the cold air I realize I am high up in the trees. My bed hangs by 2 very unstable ropes. I lay on my duvet that my grandma made including the pillows. I lay on my bed writing in my diary and I see something in the distance. As I stand up to see what it was, I felt a cold breeze blowing on my face. I could sense that something was wrong. As I lay down about to drift off to sleep, BANG IT HAPPENED......... (TO BE CONTINUED)